Tuesday 8 April 2008

How to avoid the strain

I spotted this in the Daily Telegraph Doctor's Diary while on holiday last year, ripped it out and kept it thinking it may well be useful for you especially when you are out camping on the ice and are perhaps suffering from difficulties because of the meagre rations. It could involve having to pack a length of wood if you can find one. Read on:

"The recent suggestion that those “straining at stool” should reach skywards with their hands has, inevitably, provoked some interesting comments. “I find that a few heavy thwacks on the behind before assuming the sitting position works wonders,” writes a Northumberland reader. He originally worked out for himself, from elementary principles of mechanics, that an impulsive force is much more effective than steady pressure (as in pile driving).
Country law, however, confirms it, as it is well known that the easiest way to obtain a fresh cow pat (to apply, for example, as a poultice) is by whacking the cow’s behind with a plank.
There are also a couple of useful suggestions on how to adapt a modern convenience to the squatting position, which has the great advantage of re-positioning the pelvic muscles as to permit a straight “run through”. The first option, much favoured apparently by the Royal Navy, is to place the feet on a low stool (as it were) placed beneath the bowl. The alternative is to squat on the seat itself and those who might be concerned about leaving their footprints behind can purchase an ingenious device called ‘Nature’s Platform' which, as the name suggests, provides a platform over the bowl."

Well I thought it was funny and it may just come in useful one day. I might take a cricket bat on the next diving trip in an effort to avoid the embarrasment of using the 'head' on the Blue Turtle again (that name now take on a whole new meaning).

If you feel the urge you can find 'Nature's Platform' on the internet

Monday 21 January 2008

Guess the cook

Harry spotted a review of the Waterfall that appeared in the Express and Star last week and passed it on to me. It provided a very accurate reflection of the food offerings at one of my favourite pubs but unfortunately made no mention of the quality of the ales served there. To be fair the pub is famous for its beer rather than its food, as you know, but this made me chuckle.

Bet you can't guess who the 'chef' is?

"AFTER looking at a picture of The Waterfall pub in Old Hill on the internet I was impressed by the attractive white-bricked pub.
On arrival, it seemed to match up to its cosy, traditional image, as it is also well positioned at the top of a hill with a view over Cradley Heath and the surrounding Black Country towns.
The pub was reassuringly busy for a Saturday night and we quickly bagged the only remaining table.
The internet write up said the pub has been listed on the Camra good beer guide and the food was “good and basic”.

The menu lived up to this - it was full of classic pub fare including mixed grill, beef chilli and chicken tikka masala.
Non meat eaters like me had a rea­sonable selection of fish and chips, homemade vegetable lasagne and vegetable curry
All meals were unbelievably cheap with most of them just over £5. To beat the winter chill James ordered beef chilli and I went for the vegetable curry
We then sat down to enjoy our drinks which included a pint of lager for him and a glass of red wine for me.
Suddenly a woman, who appeared to be the chef, burst out of the kitchen and said “who ordered the chilli” almost as though it was a mis-demeanor. It transpired that there was no rice which basically meant the curry option I had picked was also under threat. It may sound fussy but I don’t like eating curry without rice. So I asked the woman if I could have something else.
It could be said her response was less than helpful — “well you had better hurry up we close at 8.3Opm.”
It was only 8.lOpm when she said this. In the end James agreed on the beef chilli with chips and I switched to fish and chips — but we were left feeling a bit miffed that the pub’s lack of food was somehow used to make us
- the customers after all - feel guilty.
The beef chilli was apparently very pleasant and the fish and chips prob­ably above average. Another menu surprise came in the form of a plate of mushrooms which was just plonked on the table a good 10 minutes after everything else without explanation.
All in all basic meal but what can only be described as poor service.

Rebecca Jones"


Class.......